Sorry…”I just can’t!”

Last week was a tough one. Tonight, or rather this early morning as I sat here thinking of an act that blind-sighted me and nearly caused me to lose my footing, I begin to ponder does every wrong action against you truly deserve forgiveness? Nope, and I do not embrace the philosophy that an apology of “I’m sorry” must be rewarded with openness or a forgiving smile.

I have been known to reject more than a few apologies, even when the person appeared on the surface to be sincere, yet repeated  a previous or similar offense. I am of the opinion that an apology means “I erred and it won’t be repeated” the problem with that is too often it is repeated and “I’m sorry” just becomes fallen words. A phrase that individuals seemingly can utter without even a passing thought or hesitation.  

Certainly, I understand that many choose to believe or see forgiveness is about and for the “individual” and not necessarily the perpetrator, yet we believe in and give so much of our personal power to numerous other fallacies, rather than thinking and standing our ground…we become untrue to ourselves and placate to the thoughts of others.

Me, I “will” be true to myself, to forgive myself for having a trusting heart and believing that good people exist (they do) and allowing things I have no control over to “steal my joy”and that is “power” enough for me to move forward.

Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on.

Les Brown

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/forgive.html#ErjOiXOcJYkaDeA0.99

Today, was just not my day…

There are days when you have to admit you just SUCK and you know it!

Today was that day for me…I awoke early or rather my sleep was interrupted several times early in the morning before I finally decided that it was time to be awake. I grabbed my phone and cruised through Facebook looking at the time 0630 I decided to pass on going to the gym and continued to Facebook.

After an hour or so, I finally pushed myself to a standing position and dragged my rebelling body downstairs to my craft studio. We are in the midst of revamping the space to make it more efficient, productive, and collaborative workspace for two of the three craft styles that I currently spend lots of money on.

After being up for a few hours and getting a what appeared to be very little done…I was exhausted and decided that I should go back to bed (I believe it was 0930). I slept until noon-thirty before being summoned to raise by the man of the house (my spouse), we had made plans to go out and look at shelving to hold my Cricuts and printer.

 

So, you might be wondering where does the I SUCK come into play. I just felt like I had the worst attitude all day. I could have been argumentative, but detecting my bad mood I opted to remain silent or say very little in disagreement as it was not my intention. I was anything, but my usual “Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm” self and I feel horrid. I am grateful to have such a loving and understanding spouse…who never once complained that I was short, abrupt, or mean.

I apologized in advance, but in my heart I still felt bad about my disposition.

Our Intimacy…

It was an early Sunday morning, we lay side by side with only the street light illuminating the interior of the room. My dark meaty pecan leg stretched out and nestled atop his olive tinted thigh, his hand lay on my thigh creating a gentle warmth that said, “I’ll always be here to protect you”…this was our intimacy and I loved sharing it with him here in the early morning silence of our bedroom where the only sounds came from the hum of the fans and the gentle sounds of his slumbered breathing.

Sharing my story…

OMG…that’s my quote! That is a quote I found in my teens and treasured throughout my early thirties. When I heard it being read to me today, quoted out loud, I stood frozen in that moment of time and then I begin searching for that girl that girl I knew I’d lost somewhere along my journey. Admittedly, I was sad at the thought of losing myself…until she tapped my shoulder and as I turned to face her she broke into a full face smile and beamed. She leaned in close to me and whispered in her very small voice; “I’m here, but I’ve changed, you’ve grown me and the me I was is now the you that you are that you have made me into today.” It made me believe that I need to cease hiding myself and just be me.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

~Teddy Roosevelt

Honor your integrity

Some days this is exactly how I feel…and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing! A good day is any day when one is swung at, yet able to walk away without countering.

To be empowered, you must hold yourself to a higher power

Life Choices